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In such situations, cybersex may even be advisable—but still regarded as cheating.

As a 29-year-old married woman who often engages in cybersex, says: When people feel trapped by their current circumstances, but still do not want to ruin their relationship, cyberspace may offer a parallel world in which things are better.

Online sexual activity can involve various activities, such as viewing explicitly sexual materials, participating in an exchange of ideas about sex, exchanging sexual messages, and online interactions with at least one other person with the intention of becoming sexually aroused.

In his stimulating paper, "Chatting Is Not Cheating," John Portmann defends online lust and characterizes about sex; he maintains that such talking is more similar to flirting than to having a sexual affair.

Nothing is more annoying than a guy who takes shortcuts.” She cites the following example: “Say I spend an entire paragraph talking about how one of my loves is spending time with my sister and rolling around with her two boys. ’ I’m like, ‘Can’t you even be bothered to read the whole profile? If the other person’s profile says, ‘I’m looking for long-term,’ and all you’re after is hooking up, give it a pass.

’ Or, I’ll have stated that if you do any drugs at all—even pot—you and I will not be a match, yet I hear from guys who are clearly into partying.” Wendy’s cardinal rule for online dating is this: Don’t waste your own time and don’t waste other people’s time. Similarly, if you want something more serious, and all she’s into is random play, move on.” Next: Scaling it back [pagebreak] The problem for many younger guys when choosing appropriate potential partners, notes Wendy, are “the shiny factor” and “single focus self-involvement lenses.” The most frequent offenders, in her experience, are twenty-somethings just looking to hook up or find some instant gratification. “They see a tremendous rack in one of my pictures, and they’re mesmerized, and I get the IM or email.” (In fact, commenting on a woman’s physical attractiveness right off the bat can actually be a turn-off, according to Robinson, since it can be read as superficial.

She recalls a case of one who regaled her with an e-missive that went on paragraph after paragraph.

“He threw up against the wall hoping that something would stick,” she says.

Consider the following statement from a 41-year-old married man (all citations are from to cheat—something that may even add spice to their offline relationship.

And yet, it’s a common enough gambit that gets would-be daters shot down on a regular basis.) So, don’t be distracted.

Next, pay attention to the major parameters of what your potential date is looking for, and honor them.

So, by now, you’ve got a digital dating portrait worthy of Da Vinci.

The next step in the process is selection of possible dating partners, but if we’ve learned anything from the other D, Darwin, nothing leads to the extinction of a species—or your love life—faster than impatient, impetuous, inattentive behavior. So, unless all you’re after is a string of casual hook-ups, in the world of online dating, brains trump brawn pretty much every time.

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