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Because they started off dating long-distance (Ryan was living in Colorado at the time), it was understood that they would not be exclusive: They initiated a policy Leah describes as “don’t ask, don’t tell.” But when Ryan moved to New York and began living with Leah a year and a half later, he assumed they would transition immediately into monogamy.

“I thought, ‘All right, the long-distance shenanigans are over now, we’re moving in together, and it’s time to have a real go at this,’” he says, taking a sip of his beer.

Or the lady, the pantsuit, and the justice of the peace.

But beyond that, it’s all extra, so cross out what you don’t need. We’re wedding experts, but we’re not experts on wedding, so if you want to do things in a different order, girlfriend, you do you.

This generation is radically rethinking straight sex and marriage, but at what cost?

In Part One of a two-part series, Rolling Stone goes under the covers in search of new approaches to intimacy, commitment and hooking up.

You know, one with some measure of sanity and helpfulness.(Though seriously, don’t get your dress till you know where you’re getting married.Many a giant ball gown has been returned when the drive-through chapel in Vegas was picked as the venue…) So start here, and make it you.We made you a free printable wedding checklist with boxes you can check off and everything.Put in your email at the bottom and it’s all yours.

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