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My mom, for example: she volunteers at the hospital, she tap dances in the musical at her clubhouse, she plays canasta with the girls twice a week, she does Sudoku in her garden, she’s on the party-planning committee… Men are more likely to define themselves by their careers – What do I do? Then again, many of my smart, strong, successful clients also bury themselves in their work for a decade, and emerge from their cocoon of success and travel, only to learn that they’re really, really lonely. And nowhere is that clearer than in the realm of relationships.
For some people the 4 weeks turns into 4 months without them noticing and by then they’re in that pattern…and the behavior becomes acceptable yet unfulfilling and it’s too late to change it because you’ve been the “nice”, undemanding girl the whole time. Why is a man perfectly content only seeing you once every two weeks? Just evaluate your man on the effort he’s making for you. And if you don’t get the sense that the relationship is growing, the talk is brief and emotionless: “Hey Adam, it’s been fun getting to know you, but I get the sense that we’re not on the same page. I found it frustrating – but really, I was feeling frustration on HER behalf. She’s the type of client I’d be friends with in real life. Like Tanya – and my wife – she was trying to be the cool girl, but she took it too far. this probably means that he’s a) dating other people and isn’t sure whether I’m “the one” OR b) he’s just not that into me and using me for now.” This doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. I was the one who was making the effort to see her more. He’ll know that his string of good luck has come to an end. When the relationship is growing – like it was for me in 2007 – you may just have a moment like this: One night, when we were eating Chinese food and watching TV, I turned to my future-bride-to-be and said, “I think you’re my girlfriend.” She said, with a coy smile, “I think I am.” It was that simple. This woman is tearing her hair out because she doesn’t know how to apply my advice. Are you always nice when they call and say “yes” to the date? She needed me to set her straight and show her what her guy was actually thinking. She didn’t have to do anything except say yes and not judge me while I worked it all out in my head. Why is a man not clamoring to reserve his weekends for you, or take you on a short vacation, or meet your friends and family? I need a man who is looking for a relationship and you don’t seem to be that guy. and to be a sucker for hanging around when you’re merely (and clearly) his “once a week” girl.